Truths About Going Back to Work After Maternity Leave

"I think that while all mothers deal with guilt, working mothers are plagued by guilt on steroids."

Arianna Huffington

In 2021, I started to work full-time after being a stay-at-home mom for approximately 3 years. I was blessed with the opportunity to stay home with my daughter for all that time. I worked part-time, teaching a 3-hour class once a week. It was the perfect blend for me.

While staying at home, I started looking for ways to transition into a new career field and outside of the classroom. I was excited to have the opportunity for a new start. The time arrived. I was hired and was told my first day of work was in 3 weeks. I had my daughter on a waitlist in a nearby daycare. She was 2 years old at the time, but since she would be 3 years old in March, I thought it would be a good age for her to go to daycare. As I walked with her to school with her cute backpack on her back, I could not stop feeling anxious and scared. 

Will she like it? Will she cry? Will she think I am abandoning her?

At first, she was smiling because she did not know what to expect or that I was going to leave her there alone. Then, reality set in. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and started to hug me. She cried and begged to not leave her there. Every day it was the same. She would cry every night before going to bed and every morning before going to school because she felt scared.

Mom Guilt

I started to feel guilt. I didn’t want my daughter to suffer, what parent does? I questioned my decision to return to work instead of staying home with her for one more year. Still, I reminded myself to be grateful for all the time I did have caring for her at home.

I can’t imagine how other mothers feel when they have to leave their 2- to 3-month-old babies at daycare. I would never judge them. Many of these moms have no other choice and they carry the weight of that decision every single day.

What’s even harder is that, instead of receiving support, we’re often judged. Society makes us feel like bad parents for choosing daycare or pursuing our career goals. The pressure on working mothers is real.

Separation Anxiety

Children aren’t the only ones who experience separation anxiety. For many new mothers returning to work, leaving their child in the care of strangers being 8 or 9 hours away, not knowing what’s happening or how their baby is feeling can be incredibly difficult.

Just the thought of putting my newborn in daycare gave me anxiety. That’s why I chose to keep her home after she was born. When I finally felt she was ready, at almost 3 years old, that separation anxiety was still very real. And once you add work responsibilities to the mix, the stress only intensifies.

I had to learn how to manage my anxiety as a working mom and to be honest, I’m still learning.

But if you’re in that place right now, I want you to know it does get better.

Feeling Overwhelmed

When starting a new job, you have to learn so much, even more if it is in a new career field. The first months were extremely stressful for me. I was feeling overwhelmed and rethought if I had made the right decision. After having worked for one year at the first job outside education, I knew I had made a good choice taking the job. I learned many new skills that would open the door to new opportunities.  

It may feel like you're drowning at first, but you need to find ways that help you succeed in your new job. Rise up, breathe, and keep going. 

Every job has different responsibilities and will require you to learn new things. The idea of new sometimes becomes frightening. Remember that change is difficult, and adaptation requires time.

Lack of Time

One thing that I experienced, and I imagine many of you too is the lack of time. When will I have time to work out? When will I have time to watch a television show? When will I have time to rest? It is like you suddenly do not have time to breathe. It can become exhausting.

The lack of time is also combined with the feeling of missing out. Have you felt like you’re missing out? I know I have. I miss the day trips my daughter and I would take or the events we could attend. I loved going to the library with her or going to any place during the week without the stress of having to think about work.

The funny thing is that I thought working from home would make everything so much easier. Don’t get me wrong, it was a huge advantage, and now that I’m working full-time in an office, I definitely miss those days. But it was still hard.

I really do admire all you working mothers that have more than one child and also have to commute 30-60 minutes a day, and some even more. You are true heroes.

If you are feeling that you are living in chaos right now, do not worry. You are not alone.

Feeling Like a Failure

Other feelings that can arise are feelings of failure because you want to be able to do it all. Then you realize that it is too hard and too tiresome. If you feel this way now, do not feel bad. You are trying your best and know that there are many other working moms feeling the same.

As humans we are going to have good days and bad days, and we can do so much. We can try our best to succeed, but it will definitely be a zigzag path of ups and downs. 

The reality is that most households with working parents are chaotic in nature. It will never be the same as before having children and having to work. This is a change that requires adaptation, and it takes time. You have to learn to accept the new reality and look for what is working and what is not and how it can be improved.

Lack of Workplace Support

How is the workplace really supporting working mothers? The truth is that many companies simply don’t. One of the first challenges that comes to mind is breastfeeding. I breastfed for three years while staying at home, and it was hard. I can’t imagine how much harder it would have been if I had needed to return to work, having to pump at specific times, managing late-night feedings, and then still showing up for a full day of work.

Thankfully, by the time I started my full-time job, I was no longer breastfeeding. But many mothers aren’t that lucky. They return to jobs that don’t offer basic accommodations like scheduled pumping breaks or private, clean spaces to do so.

Another major challenge is how often working moms have to miss work because their child is sick. This happens a lot. I was fortunate to work from home during my daughter’s baby and toddler years, so I could handle those emergencies without needing to call out. But even then, it was exhausting.

And the reality is, almost every time my daughter got sick, I got sick too. I often worked with no energy, just trying to push through. Even with PTO, it was never enough to cover my daughter’s sick days, my own recovery, and still have time left for a real vacation. I’ve heard so many heartbreaking stories of moms who work outside the home and end up being penalized, put on probation or even fired, for needing too many days off.

There just isn’t enough support for working parents. And that needs to change.

Final Thoughts

Returning to the workforce can be exciting and challenging at the same time. Many emotions arise and you feel that you have to juggle everything at once. Have you experienced any of the feelings mentioned above? If so, how did you handle them? 

If you are new to this process, remember that you are not alone and it is normal to feel different emotions. There will exist many changes and adaptations. There are many other women that are struggling daily and that are in need of support. Connect with other working mothers and create a support group. It is good to see how other women handle similar situations and you can receive great advice.

Best wishes,

Mel